Keeping the happiness in the holidays

It’s the most wonderful time of the year – and with over two dozen holidays celebrated between November and January it’s also the most stressful time for many of us.

From holiday gatherings to community happenings, it’s easy to get caught up in all the hustle and bustle that the holidays have to offer, but for some, the season may bring challenges to a person’s mental health and physical wellbeing.

One group that is particularly affected by this but often overlooked – our children.

Stress affects everyone differently. Maybe you notice that your little one’s mood is “off”, or you see a noticeable change in their behavior. Maybe you’ve noticed a drastic change in their sleep pattern – after all, there are often light shows and other evening events happening around the holidays. As parents, we’re used to these changes around the holidays, but it can be overwhelming for kids.

“That’s why it is so important to check-in with your children,” says NCAC Intervention and Clinical Director Erica Hochberger, “None of us are at our best when we are really stressed. It can be hard for us to notice what’s going on with the people that we love.”

So, how do you find out if your child is doing okay without coming off as pushy or intrusive?

Erica says it’s all about being open and honest. When parents offer that connection and support – the child knows it’s there if they want to take you up on it. In other words, let your child know that you are there for them, no matter what, and give them the space to figure things out.

“The exception to the rule is if you have any reason to think that your child is having thoughts of self-harm. If you are concerned – come out and ask them. Know that asking that question is not going to put that thought in their heads.”

If you are concerned your child may be having thoughts of suicide, contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting: 9-8-8.

Another way to keep the joy in the season is to keep tabs on your child when other people are around.

It’s often easy to become sidetracked by conversation, cooking, or other holiday festivities – especially when you are around friends or family that you trust. Erica says you should really try to keep your children where you can see or hear them, and not give them the opportunity to be alone with other people.

“And that goes for being with other kids, too. Some kids may not have the boundaries that they need to,” she said.

Speaking of boundaries, consent and body autonomy are some things that should be discussed with your child at an early age. You should also consider having that conversation with the adults in your family, Erica says. She says it is crucial to lay the groundwork for what is and is not appropriate when others interact with your child. That goes for hugging, kissing, and other ways of showing affection.

“Traditionally, family members may think it’s just a hug or just a kiss and it’s how we show love and affection. That can be true if it’s someone that you are comfortable with, but you also want to think about the long term – what do I want my kids to know about their body and who is the boss of their body?” she said. “Then think about if your child gets the message that they have to go along with whatever the people around them want them to do, and they grow up thinking, ‘my boundaries don’t matter – it’s just about what other people want from me.’ I don’t think that’s what any of us would want for our kids.”

So, what are some alternative ways to show a child that you care? Erica says you could suggest options and let your child make the determination of what he/she is comfortable with. Offer up things like waving, fist bumping, or shaking hands – and explain to adult family members that you are doing this for your child’s safety and wellbeing. Ask for them to help support and nurture your child’s decision making through their understanding and actions.

The final piece of advice is to grab a cup of hot cocoa and take in every moment of this joyous season with your children.

Happy holidays from all of us at the National Children’s Advocacy Center!